Twisted Wish Revival!

[Shirokuma]

I wish that multivitamins for adults came in "gummy" style.

Wish granted.
Unfortunately, the Genie who grants it makes a bit of a typo. They're not Gummy style.
It takes you a month to figure out why your vitamins leave such a salty taste in your mouth.

I wish I had an extra week vacation from work every year.

Wish granted!

But you are dead tired after being connected to a machine during this mandatory week of providing "materials" for the "gummy" vitamins.

I wish I had controlling stock in GW.

[osloco]

I wish I had controlling stock in GW.

Wish granted!

You become the largest contributer to Global Warming in the USA! Al Gore shows up at your house with a machete and cuts you in half.

I wish I could teleport around Vancouver Island.

[porkuslime]

Wish Granted!

You can teleport around Vancouver Island. However, you have no control on how long you stay in any given place, or WHERE you go on the Island. You also realize that you cannot ever LEAVE the Island, as when you try, you pop back into the center of the island and the whole process starts again. You ALSO realize that only YOU can teleport.. things like clothing, and car keys fail to make the transition with you.

I wish I could cast any one spell of my choosing from the AD&D 1st ed Player's Handbook, once per day, for a year.

[maple]

I wish I could cast any one spell of my choosing from the AD&D 1st ed Player's Handbook, once per day, for a year.

Wish Granted.

Unfortunately you find out too late that the AOE of the spell(s) is limited to your pants. You have given the spell "Fireball" a whole new meaning.

I wish the 20lbs. I am attempting to lose would go away without the need for exercise or dieting.

[MagickalMemories]

I wish the 20lbs. I am attempting to lose would go away without the need for exercise or dieting.

Wish granted.
The lost weight comes from your "man parts," and internal organs.
Now, you're stuck on life support and you can't even touch yourself to pass the time.

I wish I'd been the one to answer Jim's previous wish.

[govannon]

I wish I'd been the one to answer Jim's previous wish.

Wish Granted!

You are the one that granted Jim's wish, but everybody wonders why you did it under Maples account. OH NO! Looks like we got another violation of the multi-account rule. You have been Banhammered!

I wish I could find a job!

[MagickalMemories]

Wish Granted!

You are the one that granted Jim's wish, but everybody wonders why you did it under Maples account. OH NO! Looks like we got another violation of the multi-account rule. You have been Banhammered!

I LOLed.
Coworkers stared.

[BITZJUNKIE]

I wish I could find a job!

Wish granted Govannon!

But when you go out to the car you realize that you'll be late for the first day due to the fact that the tank is empty... and so is your wallet. The trip to both work and the gas station is just too much to take, so you choose to stay home and make terrain for a living.


I wish I could stop getting my fingers superglued together.

[osloco]

I wish I could stop getting my fingers superglued together.

Wish Granted!

To stop the problem you decide to undergo a partial dolphinoplasty and your fingers are now permanently flippers. Unfortunately your flippers are now glued together and you cant dial the phone for help.

I wish I could learn the rules for Warmachine/Hordes faster!

[Norseman]

I wish I could learn the rules for Warmachine/Hordes faster!

Wish granted.

You are subjected to a Matrix style download. Unfortunately they also download Kung Fu and Keanu's personality. You go around telling people that you know Kung fu and how to play Warmachine. Everybody think you are a douche. And that damn metal orifice in the back of your head tends to itch a little.

I wish I could tell my biggest customer off without getting fired.

[maple]

I wish I could tell my biggest customer off without getting fired.

Wish granted. Telling your biggest customer off gives you a sense of empowerment, which leads to telling off all of your customers. Oddly enough, you get fired for telling off your smallest customer. Turns out your boss is married to your smallest customer's sister.


I wish I knew Kung-fu and had a cool cyber-jack in the back of my head.

[Shirokuma]

I wish I knew Kung-fu and had a cool cyber-jack in the back of my head.

Wish granted!

Unfortunately, when your wife is half asleep in the morning she puts her plugged-in curling iron in the jack which fries the jack connections, fuses your corpus callosum and melts your occipital lobe. You are now blind, and whenever you use Kung Fu, both right & left limbs move in unison, causing your to land on your tuchas quite frequently.

I wish I had the energy levels I had when I was 18.

[Norseman]

I wish I had the energy levels I had when I was 18.

Wish granted...

You raise hell for less than a day with all that energy, unfortunately you also lose all the knowledge and wisdom acquired in that last few years, and you are also as dum as the average 18 year old, you experience an accident that is actually to horrible to describe in print.

Needless to say, you win the 2010 Darwin awards.

I wish my wife was as dirty as my truck.

[Imaginos]

I wish I had the energy levels I had when I was 18.

I wish my wife was as dirty as my truck.

Wish granted.

Your wife is covered in mud and filth. Now every guy that walks by her writes "Wash me" on her butt with their finger.

I wish next week were already over.

[Norseman]

I wish next week were already over.

Wish granted.

You accidentally trip and fall into a Wormhole. You achieve near the speed of light as you fall for for mere seconds in your preception. As per Einstein's theory as you approach the speed of light time itself dilates. The Wormhole lets out a few feet away, and you land on the floor not realizing exactly what has happened. You wake up and pass by the TV and notice that in the brief seconds that you fell, two weeks of real time passed by. As you continue to watch you notice that your usual lottery numbers actually came up, unfortunately you didn't play...

I wish this cold would go away.