Twisted Wish Revival!

[Shirokuma]

Ok, it's been two years (or thereabouts) since the last Twisted Wish Thread.
Time for a REVIVAL!!

Here's the deal. I will start out with a wish.
The next person will grant it just by saying "Wish Granted," but will twist it in some way.
Then, they will make a wish.

Example:
I wish I was "built" like a Horse.

The next person says, "Wish granted. Not only are you "built" like a horse, but you ARE a horse... on your way to the glue factory."
I wish I had a million dollars

The rules are:
1) No granting your own wishes.
2) NO putting in addendums to try to avoid unpleasantries, such as, "I wish for xyz, granted to me in such a way that it cannot be twisted from my desires." The idea is to have fun TWISTING the wish.
3) The same person may not wish for the same thing more than once.
4) First response wins. If you respond to a wish, but someone beat you to it (answering at the same time), edit YOUR post to grant the wish of the person who beat you to the punch. If there happens to be more than 2 simultaneous posts, the 3rd, 4th, etc should wait until the person RIGHT above them has altered their post. THIS MEANS YOU SHOULD CHECK YOUR POSTS AFTER SUBMITTING THEM TO ENSURE THERE WAS NO "TIE," SO THE THREAD DOESN'T BOG DOWN.

Here's the starter:
I wish all politician's felt free to curse openly just like Joe Biden!

[MagickalMemories]

Here's the starter:
I wish all politician's felt free to curse openly just like Joe Biden!

Wish granted.
They all feel free to curse.
At your mom.
On the phone.
In the middle of the night.
Your mom blames you.
She just won the lottery.
You've been written out of the will.



I wish I knew what to wish for.

[Ironhide]

Wish granted.

You wish that you can come out of the closet and admit your love for your fellow man.

I wish that all Barbie dolls were anatomically correct.

[porkuslime]

Wish granted.

You now own anatomically correct Barbie dolls... some have parts that droop, are mismatched in size, have body hair, and in some cases can be mistaken for Ken dolls. The mysterious area that is a grail to teenage boys is present as well... and you yourself are sized down to take advantage of that, whilst remaining your current height.

I wish GW would make plastic more affordable.

[Shirokuma]

Wish granted!
GW plastic is now reasonably priced.
However, due to market-share and the need to pay share holders, GW is filing for Chapter 11 in the US. All shipping costs are tripled, the cost of metal minis is doubled and are available only through Direct Sales, and Forge World no longer sells outside of Europe. White Dwarf is now $12/issue, and content is limited to ONLY battle reports with maps bearing glaring inaccuracies.

I wish I had real mini-fig painting talent.

[Forsaken Poptart]

Wish granted!

Also, you're blind and your hands fall off!


I wish I had a jetpack.

[Shirokuma]

Wish granted!
Unfortunately, you have no new hydrogen cells for the fusion plant that powers it.

I wish someone would leave me a Good Trader post on the Good Trader thread.

[porkuslime]

Wish granted!

Alas, it is from Jason Ticknor... and has to be removed. (took care of that for you already)

I wish I could find a Twinkie that had negative calories

[Forsaken Poptart]

Wish granted!

It's made of asbestos, PCB's, and anthrax!


I wish I had 3 billion dollars.

[maple]

I wish I had 3 billion dollars.

Wish granted.

BTW, the doctor just called and he wanted me to tell you that he forgot to call yesterday, but apparently you only had about 24 hours to live...


I wish I could breakdance.

[Forsaken Poptart]

Wish granted!

Some dude spent 3 billion dollars to have every breakdancer in the country shot on sight before he died.

I wish I could breathe underwater.

[Shottglazz]

Wish Granted!

You can now breathe underwater, but not OUT of water...

I wish that I knew at 18 what I know now...

[Shirokuma]

Wish granted!
But everyone else also knows at 18 what they know now, so nothing is the same. Also, everyone under the age of 18 knows nothing, because they aren't 18 yet, but that's pretty much standard fare.

I wish I had more time to paint my armies.

[maple]

I wish I had more time to paint my armies.

Wish granted.

Your boss just called, you're fired!

I wish I was famous.

[porkuslime]

Wish Granted!

Of course, you are famous! People talk about you all the time...

"Oh, Jeffrey Dalmer wasn't THAT bad, compared to maple.. "
"didya hear? maple had implants!"
"maple was asked to host the Oscars after Simon Cowell turned em down!"

I wish I drove a Subaru.