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ChickenHide ( 28 )
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Makes me sad.

Post by ChickenHide »

It makes me really sad when I read a post saying "My wife says the Warhammer has to go" or "My girlfriend gave me permission to attend".

Knowing what this hobby means to most of the people involved in it, why would anyone get involved with someone who isn't, at the very least, tolerant of it. Also, as an adult, I think I only need to ask permission to do something on time obligated to someone else(job) or if I am utilizing the possessions of someone else. There is a difference between courtesy and consideration and subservience.
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pretre ( 1340 )
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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by pretre »

Amen!
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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by Gaijin18 »

I am sorry but a relationship is supposed to be a two way street. If someone is dictating what you can and can not own that should be a HUGE red flag.
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jason1977 ( 208 )
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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by jason1977 »

There are alot worse things one can spend money and time on other than plastic toy models.


Like plastic models. Think.
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3eland ( 76 )
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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by 3eland »

There is a difference between girlfriend/significant other/relationship and a family.

When you are in a relationship with someone, communication is a big thing. If you do not communicate with your partner and explain to them what the plastic crack means to you then how can they possibly understand? To them it's just little plastic toys you spend hundreds of dollars on every month just to take hours upon hours assembling and painting. Women don't usually get introduced to miniatures or wargaming so unless you explain it to them or at least show them the process, they won't usually understand. However, I am sure once you have explained it to them they will realize it's more than just "little toys you play with".

I could go into even more detail but I think many of you know how relationships should work.

When you get to the family stage you cannot go out and blindly spend the hundreds to thousands of dollars on your favourite plastic models you used to be able to do when you were single or first started dating said person. When kids, mortgages, bill payments, soccer teams, school fundraisers, ballet classes, etc start creeping up, the smart thing a couple should do is sit down and prioritize their finances.

Raising kids is expensive, they eat everything, grow out of clothes too fast and the amount of school trips, fundraisers, events, etc they like to throw down your throat adds up. Get to the stage where there are after school activities, sport teams, ballet classes, swimming lessons, etc and half the time you wonder if you ever get your own free time! When you become a family, sometimes sacrifices are needed. This doesn't mean you must sell off everything, but it may mean you must limit yourself.

Wargaming is addicting. You need to be able to balance your wargaming needs with your family needs. If you cannot, something needs to be done (or has to go) and it is usually the greatest decision to choose your family over your models.

Sometimes unexpected things come up (like your family dog got hit by a car and has hundreds of dollars of vet bills or little Timmy got super sick and needs medication after medication) and you might have to sell things you might not have ever wanted to before. If getting 300 dollars from an army will help your financial needs at that moment in time, sometimes you have to do it. Can you buy models back? Yes. Can you buy back your child or family dog (that current one, not talking about just getting a new one)? No, not usually unless you know necromancy but even then after watching movies and shows, that usually isn't the best path to proceed down.

So when there comes a time when you want to go attend some function and it boils down to finding a babysitter, travel expenses, the cost of the ticket, money you are most likely going to spend there, etc, you need to discuss it with your significant other. Can you afford it? Are there any bills or other money related things/issues you need to worry about? There is more to it than just "Hey [wife] I'm heading to [event], kiss kids for me, cheerio!"

When you want to start a new army, you should also take the above into consideration. Let's be reasonable here, starting a new army isn't cheap. Warhammer armies could range to easily 2-300 just to get a good basic starter force. Other universes can be around the same, although yes usually less. Still, you cannot just go walk into the store, pick up 300 dollars worth of plastic. You must first talk it over with your significant other to make sure there is nothing happening that spending that 300 dollars on will bite you in your tush.

There is more to it than just "I think I only need to ask permission to do something on time obligated to someone else(job) or if I am utilizing the possessions of someone else".

When you're in a relationship sure I can agree to an extent, when you're in a family I disagree. If a person believes they don't need to ask permission (and by that I mean talking it over with your significant other) before doing something that may effect their family as a whole, they need to rethink their priorities.
Gaijin18 wrote:I am sorry but a relationship is supposed to be a two way street
This.

Communication, communication, communication!
ChickenHide wrote:It makes me really sad when I read a post saying "My wife says the Warhammer has to go" or "My girlfriend gave me permission to attend".
Re: Wife says the Warhammer has to go: You never know the issues behind this. People don't usually come to forums expressing their personal issues. Therefore there could be something really personal or urgent behind this. However, this could also mean the [wife] wants a bunch to go and the member is reducing his army down. Not ridding it entirely.

I don't automatically assume the wife is evil. However, I am sure there are cases where the wife is evil.

Re: Girlfriend giving permission to attend: You also do not know the details behind their money situation. It is not cheap attending functions, perhaps they are in a tough situation. New baby, someone got laid off, etc. As a gamer, you want to go, as a significant other, you tend to remind the gamer about priorities. Sometimes that means not going, so "having permission to go" might not be exactly what you read it as.
jason1977 wrote:There are alot worse things one can spend money and time on other than plastic toy models.


Like plastic models. Think.
Very true. My wife is content with my plastic addiction. Sometimes I get carried away but usually I am smart with balancing it with everything else. Plus, she likes knowing where I am on Warhammer nights and when I'm in the other room spending my evening working on plastic models. She also likes painting them so when i get to that stage it's something we enjoy doing together. She used to have a Grey Knight army but ended up selling it. She was getting bored with the immense amount of rules LOL.


TL;DR: So, all in all, there is more behind the picture than an evil girlfriend/wife. Judging a person on the choice of words on an internet forum isn't the greatest thing to do. I am sure in some cases you are correct, but overall I must disagree with your assessment. There is just way more behind it than a person not in the situation can understand. Plus, sometimes people like to pass the "blame" onto the wife because you as a member will never talk to their wife/significant other. Don't read into it so drastically.
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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by Doctari »

You know what's better than pretty much any game of warhammer? Enjoying a night with your wife. And if it's not, you don't need to be married.

I know it's not going to be a popular sentiment but there are a lot of grown men who play this game who really need to start acting like grown men. "The wife says it has to go", translation: I spent the babies college fund on the new Goff army detachment and then skipped work to go to Gamesday. Also we haven't actually had a conversation that didn't involve "good morning", "good night" or "what's for dinner" in 6 months. But I just spent 6 hours posting a *edit* ton of crap on BT, Dakka, ETC.

Relationships are hard and you both have to make sacrifices to make it work. Sometimes that's giving up your toys sometimes that's her giving up her career to have your child. Sacrifices for the common good.

HOWEVER.

Most of the time it's just code for "I'm so sick and tired of this game I want to die and would give anything for someone to take this crap off my hands". So. There's that.
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pretre ( 1340 )
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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by pretre »

I don't think I know anyone who acts like this:
there are a lot of grown men who play this game who really need to start acting like grown men. "The wife says it has to go", translation: I spent the babies college fund on the new Goff army detachment and then skipped work to go to Gamesday. Also we haven't actually had a conversation that didn't involve "good morning", "good night" or "what's for dinner" in 6 months. But I just spent 6 hours posting a *edit* ton of crap on BT, Dakka, ETC.
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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by s_o_r_r_o_w »

Doctari wrote:You know what's better than pretty much any game of warhammer? Enjoying a night with your wife. And if it's not, you don't need to be married.
Bah.

People are complex creatures with a variety of wants and needs. No one person or pastime can fill any person's needs all of the time, and so yes, a night in with the SO is a special thing--as is a night out with the boys.

If the SO or the boys can't understand that--that's where there's a problem. No with wanting to have both.
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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by kturock »

I make pretty good $$ at USPS. So I always spent $$ on my toys; guns, weapons, music, games.
When I got married, my wife had a job, making ok $$, but less than I did.
Then we started saving up for a house.
We were paying bills, but I was still spending $$$ every week/2 weeks on toys.
Dookie hit the fan. I was still paying most of the bills and saving money for the house, but I was still spending $$ on toys.
She was mad I was spending a lot of $$ on toys; compared to her income.

After the arguement, I cut back on spending. Yes we bought the house and I still buy toys, but I've cut back on my spending. It was a case of I was used to buying anything and everything I wanted, when I wanted. I still manage the money, so slide a bit more through than she knows, but I'm not spending as much as often as I was.
I don't buy everything when it's released or entire rows of seats for concerts, I don't have the best car or stereo anymore, then again, I don't need it/them. I still buy my toys. ;-)
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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by ChickenHide »

I understand concerns over money, overspending and responsibility, that's just being an adult. I'm more than willing to listen to reason and hear someones concerns, but at 35 years of age I'll be damned if anyone "makes" me do something and I certainly am not audacious enough to "make" someone who isn't in my guardianship or employ do something.
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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by don_mondo »

35? Ya young punk, get off my lawn.

Me, I didn't get into gaming until I'd already been married for over 10 years. SO the wife and family were around long before my little toy soldiers and they'll be around long after the toy soldiers fade away. Yes, it's my hobby, but coordinating the calendar so that gaming events and family events don't interfere with each other is where "the wife gives permission to attend" comes in. For me, it just means we checked the calendar and there's no family stuff in the way. Anyways, just my 2 cents.
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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by MagickalMemories »

Doctari wrote:You know what's better than pretty much any game of warhammer? Enjoying a night with your wife. And if it's not, you don't need to be married.
I cannot possibly agree with this.
I love my wife. I adore her. I'm totally devoted to her... and she, me.
If I don't get away from her once every week or 2 for a day of "letting lose," we'll kill each other.
(Metaphorically speaking[?])

Every relationship needs space. It takes 2 individuals, not clones who mimic each other. She recedes into the TV on game nights (STL Cards baseball), and I recede into my basement for "online time" [read: BTown and whatever else I can manage to squeeze in] nightly. I also get to go to play 40K EVERY SATURDAY.
The difference is that I will drop any and all of that at a moment's notice if something important comes up.
We carpool, eat dinner at the table as a family nightly and spend 3 nights a week working out at the YMCA together. We definitely get "couple" and "family" time. The trick is balance.
Maybe that was all intended to be implied in what you wrote. I don't know. I just took the message at exactly what you wrote.
Doctari wrote:I know it's not going to be a popular sentiment but there are a lot of grown men who play this game who really need to start acting like grown men. "The wife says it has to go", translation: I spent the babies college fund on the new Goff army detachment and then skipped work to go to Gamesday. Also we haven't actually had a conversation that didn't involve "good morning", "good night" or "what's for dinner" in 6 months. But I just spent 6 hours posting a *edit* ton of crap on BT, Dakka, ETC. /quote]

Comparatively speaking, I don't think there are THAT MANY out there, but you're definitely right that they are there... and that it's a problem when/if they're like that.
Doctari wrote:Relationships are hard and you both have to make sacrifices to make it work. Sometimes that's giving up your toys sometimes that's her giving up her career to have your child. Sacrifices for the common good.
I could not AGREE MORE with this part.

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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by jason1977 »

MagickalMemories wrote:

Every relationship needs space.
Dennis Leary said it takes love, honor, respect to stay married in Hollywood for 15 years on one of his cds. He also said stay the F away from each other.
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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by Doctari »

I can only speak about my own experiences. I've been with the same woman since I was 18. We met on day one in college (the first run through) and will be celebrating 20 years next year. About 6 years into it I got to give up magic because she couldn't take me when I played magic (and bought and sold magic (though to be fair it paid for our first house so..)) and when it became clear that it was damaging my relationship I got to make a pretty simple decision: Quit playing with cards or Leave Stacie.

The one I choose took about 1 second to decide on. Do I miss magic? Sure. It's an amazing game, blah blah blah. Do I regret leaving it to make her happy? Not a bit.

So my statement (though clumsily made) still stands: If your toys are more important to you than your relationship you shouldn't be in that relationship. And if it's a choice between the two it shouldn't take any serious time to make that decision.

As far as space goes: I don't know where you guys have all this free time, teach me... please. I work 2 jobs and am in Grad school, she is an accountant and finishing up her CPA. We have maybe 1 night a week together. That night tends to be saturday, which is the big gaming night around here. So it usually really is "spend time with her or spend a night with the boys". She wins every time.
If we're trading: Lower ships first, even if its me.
If I'm buying: If you have a REASONABLE (>20) rating with no negatives, I'm paying first.
If I'm selling: You're paying first.
I always check Ebay before making/accepting offers. You should to. Fair market value >>>> "I feel they are worth X"

Offers good for 24hrs.

Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of my own actions.
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Re: Makes me sad.

Post by s_o_r_r_o_w »

Doctari wrote:I can only speak about my own experiences. I've been with the same woman since I was 18. We met on day one in college (the first run through) and will be celebrating 20 years next year. About 6 years into it I got to give up magic because she couldn't take me when I played magic (and bought and sold magic (though to be fair it paid for our first house so..)) and when it became clear that it was damaging my relationship I got to make a pretty simple decision: Quit playing with cards or Leave Stacie.

Well, if I'd know the game you were talking about was M:TG, then that would have been different. You clearly made the right decision.
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